#o9// swEEt drEams.

Monday, September 06, 2004

been musing over something minor recently.. hmm. its abt zw actually. dont be mistaken tho, cos im really totally over him now. guess wad im trying to say is that, outta all mi exes.. hes da one i loved most bahh. take note, is loveD. past tense alrite ?

i rmb how we met.. thru that idert xiaokang. haha. there was once, march hols that time.. i was rotting alone at plaza. then got too bored, so called xiaokang down to pei mi. but who noes, he brought zw along too ? so yeah. thats how zw n i knew each other.

then thru out da march hols, followed by sars hols. zw n i started hanging out with each other. bpplaza, lot1, bangkit. can still recall that time he had a nickname, oxy. haha. then during that time, also had bryan. in da beginning, those two so krazee over warcraft. everytime in lan shop pia. then leave mi alone to entertain miself. hmm.. but sars hols that time. everytime met up with bry n zw to revise for exams, do hols assignments n so on. really fun times lorhh..

i rmb once, i was veh upset abt something n didnt wanna go home. even tho i kept telling him to go home n that i`ll be fine, he insisted on pei-ing mi. moreover that time his mom kept calling him lo.. made mi so touched. hahax.

then my bday last yr.. 2days before mid yrs. tried so hard but cldnt find anyone willing to come out pei mi.. thank god for zw ? but also felt quite guilty, cos at that time, already nighttime. abt 7-8pm lidat bahh ? then his mom dont let him out de.. but he still defy his mom n barged outta hse for mi.. was really really touched by this gesture. when he told mi wad happened, my heart pratically melted.. hahaha.

late that nite. received sms from him.. in a veh unsure tone, asking mi to be his gf.. of cos i agreed. how cld i not, after all he did ? so we were together.. 14May03.

then rmb during 1st wk of exams that time.. i always quickly do finish da papers, nv even bothering to check. cos i wanted to do identical frenship bands for us as our 1st wk together. had to finish 2 bands within a wk.. so everytime got free time just pia da bands. needless to say, my results were like shit. lolz.

and there was once, after a counselling session with mr tan boon cheng. i was asking zw wad mr.tan asked mi. 'wads da point in living ? wad do u live for ?" and he replied, [to play]. before hesistating a bit n added [and you..]. so sweet rite ? =)

then there was da walk every morning to his busstop. supposedly shld meet at my busstop n go to sch together, but as hes always late, i took to walking over to his instead. and buying pau every morning for him. i know he felt guilty that he always made mi walk over to his busstop.. but seriously. i really didnt mind. i nv blamed him for anything..

other than da frenship band.. also had rings.. those cheap cheap kind, plain ones. engraved each other`s name on it.

and i finally realised how deep my feelings were when i promised him not to cut myself anymore. something which i`d always promised others before, yet nv kept my word. i kept mine to his tho.

until 23rdJune. broke up le. one mth after that, he took off da band. 5mths after that, still cldnt get over him. but i guess.. he nv really got over liking deb either ? last time i kept questioning miself.. was i just a sub for deb ?

then july. i realised i didnt noe wad to get for his bday present. even tho his bday was in sept.. but i guess i needed something to do. that time my one day allowance only 5bucks. but willingly starved everyday to save that 5bucks.. from july to sept. finally accumulated 200bucks. gave that, n a bottle of saga seeds, as his bday pressie. da saga seeds nearly had da death of mi.. haha. searched all over sg for em. first went holland. then sentosa. then this ulu place at jw. took damn long to finally fill up da bottle. blehs.

recently also took to wearing his ring on a silver chain, as necklace. altho already over it le.. but that short 1mth+ which we spent together.. and da mths of grieving i did after that.. will always remain etched deeply in mi heart. i noe, i`ll nv be able to Wei another guy Fu Chu as much as i did for zw. i can nv give up so much for someone else.. like i did before.

after da breakup, ppl kept telling mi. zw is not worth mi being sad over. i duno abt that.. but wad i do noe is. ive nv blamed him for anything, anything at all. even tho i think he nv fully appreciated all that i did for him.. ive nv hated him..

ermm. really sorrie for da long entry. just that suddenly had da urge to write down everything.. reminiscence.

twinkling*stars @ 2:20 AM