natalieee // linGz.
.ilu* lizhao =) #
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
yesternite went for supper at ksl with da gang. then after that went jb hse help him geng mc. lol. wrapped garlic at his feet.. bleahx. then whole bunch there squeezed into his room to watch da farnie show again. hahaha. altho most of da time i was outside in da living room la, pei kelvin. haha. went down 7-11 buy snacks for em.. cook mee for him.. aiyo. somemore still helped to wash up everything at da sink.. see ? im so good ! LoL !
then ended up left mi, kev, kenn n josh lo. til morning.. then jb`s feet still havent rot. gosh. hes too healthy le lar. dozed awhile on da sofa.. then went ta use com. kenn left early. haha kev n mi helped to kok josh feet. wahaha ! my first strike alrdy TOK. so loud =X then kok til his feet swollen.. oops. after that i think abt 10+ ? we went bangkit see doc lo. kev n josh went da dwnstairs one.. mi n jb went neo there. haha. jb really suay one lehh.. everytime see doc also wait darn long one -.-" josh paid 30bucks for one lousy letter telling him to refer to hosp. lol ~
after that went breakfast at 257 there.. so long nv eat there le ! haiy0h. hmm. after that jb went home lo.. cos his foot too pain. caught between swollen n rotting. then he walking also limping.. wonder why ppl can do so much for an mc.. just dont understand lo.. but i guess i also wont la.. since im not in ns. hehee =P kk then jb went home le.. mi n kev n josh. went josh hse take money.. then took cabbie to SGH. hurhur.
on da cab ride received a call.. from sakura. hmm. 1wk le then call mi !! act big ar. hahaha. but posted to ginza plaza there lehh.. =( so far away de. but i still accepted la. i really need to work le.. boh lui liao. haha. wed start work liaoz.. awww. left one last day of freedom. sheesh. how come so last min.. >.<" 11.30am. ughh. nvm..
kk back to da topic. haha. my first time going to sgh.. so excited =X ok larr. i noe its insane.. to be happie abt visiting a hosp. but.. i nv really go into a hosp before lo. only time was visit ahma that time.. and i dont rmb anything abt that. stitches that time also not counted.. cos nv went in. moreover both also alexandra hosp. pardon mi la. haha.
sit josh in wheelchair push him arnd. hahaha. da doc say might have a crack in da bone..? i just laughed out loud le. lol. powerful spoon ar ~ but in da end see da bone specialist, he say nth wrong la. just da tissues n nerves. bone no prob. n he gave josh 5days mc ! woohoo. jb must be so gek tio. hurhur. after that wanted go chinatown de.. cos i nv go before =X shhh. dont suan mi la. i noe i swakoo k. haha. but then raining so nv go lo..
wahh then i was damn seng-eh le lorr. nv slp.. aiyo. eyebags popping out.. eyerings so dark also. super panda. 7pm finally got home n slpt. hehee. but slpt only 2hrs+ had to get up n go ksl le.. cos celebrate edwin bday. hmm. got cake got durian.. =D da taste of heaven ! hahaha. halfway thru suddenly received msg from zw. awww. been so long since we talked.. everytime see his smses also can laugh one. haha. da bai act cute one. bth.
today went off earlier abit laa. haha. then went 7-11 buy icecream.. kev sent mi home lo. later morning got e2 vs e6 match lehh. feel like going but cant go.. cos its 9am. at da boonlay field there. gosh. so early.. so far.. i need to slp !! lol. miss da e2 dudes nehh.. aiy0h.
think i go date ahTian out laa. haha. he mon to thurs on leave.. he hor. everytime on leave de lehh. farnie one. lol. then since i wed start work le.. left today only. ages since ive seen him lo.. miss all da chefs !!! arGhh. haha. xiaoQiang ~ ahPeh ~ ahGong ~ huiGe ~ Jacky ~ even John ! haha. still got soooo many others. but cannot write all out here la.. write til Tian Liang ar. lol. ahGong still havent gimme da souvenier from korea lehh.. hrmph.
jb gonna try geng mc again. haha. work on his rotting foot. hope he really get at least 1wk or sumth la. see him everytime geng mc.. kok here rot there. so painful one. wish him luck laa. haha.
okok hafta go now. 3 msn windows keep blinking for mi. lol.
Friday, November 26, 2004
looked thru da classified earlier on.. but few of da jobs appealed ? theres one abt a restaurant over in paragon. another restn over at bukit timah. and a part time at IMM. maybe i`ll give em a try.. or maybe not. hahaha. i hate going back to da waiting stage u noe.. waiting n waiting for phonecalls which prob wont come. ughh. its really da pits.
i noe i noe. quit lazing about n get mah ass up over to job interviews. bleahs. no matter how many times i tell myself tho, i cant seem to stop slacking. hurhur. bad bad bad habit !
sakura still hasnt called. think they got scared off by da committed crime part. heh heh. wadever la. anw even if i ticked no, they`ll still find out sooner or later.. my scars aint exactly something they`d see on a Normal Sane person. but im neither normal or sane yah =)
jackjack rocks ! hahaa. hes just soooo CUTE ! awww. devil baby. hehee.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
hmm. anw another reason i hafta forget is cos.. until i fully get over wad happened with him.. im not gonna consider anything along da lines of a rship. or any kind of attraction to anyone at all. for this, i really hafta gather all my strength n erase da whole memory of that outta my head. i cant have that memory keep on haunting mi. well. so thats that.
hafta learn to close one door first before i open another. wish mi luck tho.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
anyhoos. toro`s sick. yepp. fever n cough.. maciam human lidat. haha. but his medical fee is far from a normal human`s. 111bucks ! gosh. shldnt have taken him to da pet shop. da doc say most prob is other dogs Chuan Ruan Dao Ta. haiyoh. kns lo.. i help there 4days. in da end ? only earn 20bucks. n toro`s sick. wads da fricking point lar. waste my time n money. -pui
watched Shutter with xiaokang yesternite. just da mention of it reminds mi yet again of him. haiss. cos actually.. we actually arranged before to watch Shutter together de, since he still owes mi a movie. but guess that movie.. i`ll nv claim back le ? since he`s Jue Jiao with mi n all.. saying he cant tolerate ppl not believing in him. which in this case, is referring to mi not believing that he really cares for mi. i mean like, Please lorh. after wad happened.. its nearly impossible to make mi believe that lo, if not totally. how in da hell am i sposed to just wipe out everything n simply believe he cares ? ok nvm.. all my fault. everything was my fault.
but wadever. watched it with xiaokang. hmm.. its not bad lar. abit scaree. alot of those shocking scenes where u`ll jump. haha. yesyes. i admit lar. i jumped quite a number of times =P cos shocked tio wad. haha. at westmall watch marh. then after that i went washroom.. so jumpy. hahaha. i think back i also laugh manz. so paranoid. tsk.
after that went ksl join da others lo. xiaokang went with mi. hahaz. abt 1am i think ? we went henry`s hse lo. they drink their martell, i watch my Xi Jie Shao Nian. haha. i took only one sip n my face just went "BLeaHx !". lol. but xiaokang`s Jiu Liang quite gd huh ? i really didnt noe lo. Kan Bu Chu Lai ye ~ abt 6am++ then went home.
haiyerr.. everytime i watch Xi Jie Shao Nian.. i feel so Xian Mu Du Ji Du Ji Xian Mu. hahaha. cos YingHe so Xing Fu.. got 2guys love her so much. 3 if u count Wang Xing Jie in lar. really really so jealous, even tho i know its silly la. since its just a show after all. but.. duno lar. i guess im really just foolish.
sometimes i really feel like laughing at myself. haha. laugh nonstop at my own stoopidity. how dumb n foolish i am. hahaha. im really too weak. so easily bullied. hahahah. hahahaa.. yiling is such a stupid STUPID girl ! haha. dont u find it funny ?? hahahah...
Monday, November 15, 2004
or maybe im simply just an idiot.
im not sposed to forgive him, not after wad hes done. but truth is, i do.
and i dont wanna hear abt anyone bringing ppl to whack him up. after all, wads done been done.. lemme just bury it deep at da back of my head n move on. if even i, da victim, dont blame him anymore.. all da more noone else shld.
issit called running away from reality ? issit cos im strong enough to be able to climb back up ? or issit just becos im too stoopid ?
im too forgiving. being too kind in this world will only give others da permission to step all over mi. i`ll always get bullied. but.. i cant help myself.
i can do this. i can get over it. move on with life.
hopefully.
Friday, November 12, 2004
da whole day thru. my mind keeps on playback. going thru da whole experience again n again. im really tired. just brainwash mi pls. at least da gd news is, i have dreamless sleep.. if i still dream of it when i slp, im telling u. im moving to hougang n staying there.
whichs not such a bad idea really. seeing da nail marks on my arm.. da swollen lil finger which came from clamping my jaws with. da tenderness at near da elbow where i bit myself to stop from screaming. im seriously considering going for appointments again, if only to stop my mind from rewinding.
i keep thinking of how he slapped mi. da first person whos ever done so. congrats huh. NoT. how he gave 2choices- either cooperate, or he`d force himself on mi all da same. how he took my hand n made mi touch his erection. i was so totally grossed out. da way i was so helpless, cos i knew i cldnt hit him.. if i did, he`d hit mi back twice as hard. cldnt scream either, cos all hell wld break loose if his family wakes. his temper isnt something to be trifled with. only cld bite or grip into myself.. trying hard not to scream n cry. ive nv felt such terror in my life.. n da worst thing was, i cldnt get outta there.. cos da key was broken into half.. with half of it inside da lock. simply fabulous.
he took away wad remaining innocence i had left. took away da trust i have in ppl. those were da most horrible 3hrs of my life. n then plus i stayed there til 8am+ til his mom woke n picked da lock. da worst possible night i ever cld have. i didnt slp a wink. when i got home, bathed for ages.. n then went work. didnt stay there long tho.. only 10mins n i was gone. i cldnt deal with ppl asking ques why im so upset.
i tot i knew him.. n then he did this to mi. when i msged him asking whether did he seriously cared for mi or was just playing.. he replied he really care for mi de. how do u expect mi to believe that ?
but da thing is.. i dont hate him. when i was there, yes i did. hated him to hell n back. hoped he`d rot in hell n burn there forever. but now ? i dont hate him. only myself for stoopidly trusting him. for giving him da chance to ruin mi. i dont even blame him either.
im not even gonna name him out. even if i do somehow have da guts to confide in someone, i`ll still leave out his name. why tell ppl who he is when theres just nth they cld do cept beat da crap outta him ?
how sad cld i get. to even be able to forgive someone for this.
just stop rewinding.. im really tired.
Monday, November 08, 2004
nxt 5 days gonna go over to tony`s pet shop to help out.. cos hes going over to thailand for a business trip. leaving da shop to vin pearl weisheng n ahfen. then i think baobei auntie also helping out ? then tony asked mi go over help out also lo.. altho i dont really see da point when all i do is just sit there. hahaha =X but tony said i`ll get paid.. sooo. ok lor. since jacks place didnt call mi. but if they do call, im gonna hafta say im not free this wk leh.. aiyo. so messy.! later da person also fed up with mi dunwan hire mi le sia.. hahaha.
hmm. then lately also been hanging out at beng`s hse again lo. hehee. ehh.. cos he n his gf break up ler -.-" really dOtx lo.. its like they together 1wk+ only. haiya nvm.. other ppl business i dont bother too much. but even so, i shant Gao Bai. haha. not cos shy or anything, but.. im not really sure of my feelings just yet. i just wanna noe him better first.. cos im afraid that if we really do get together, then da more i find out abt him, da less i like him. so its better to make sure da feelings wont just run away. thus, keeping mum for now lo. safer.
but da main reason why im doing this is cos. i rmb wad i said before last time.. abt mi not being able to Wei another guy Fu Chu as much as i did for zw. im not stopping myself from doing so.. just that each time, i`ll compare da feeling i had with zw n da feeling im having now, with another guy. n da truth is.. wad im feeling now ? doesnt match up. whichs why im hesitating.
bleh im bored again la. later maybe gonna look for ahdi. long time since ive seen him.. haha.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
lolss. anyway. turns out i had da date for da training wrong ? so da manager said he`ll call mi back n inform mi again when i hafta go down. hmm. so yepp. im still jobless. bleh.
my bank is so empty. left only 2bucks.. n i have only 12 with mi now. awww. someone pls yang wo. haha !
really so bored. lately keep having all sorts of cravings at all sorts of hours. heh. at this point of time when im trying not to spend too much, thats veh veh bad. hey im serious. someone pls yang wo for this period of time until i start mi work n got my pay can ? sobx sobx.
and i finally saw him again monday night. hehee ~ =D he bribed mi over to da coffeeshop at 117 with fries.. lol. actually he didnt even need to bribe lo.. just hafta open his mouth n ask mi over, i`ll sure fly over de. haha. so weak willed.. bleahs. after that he sent mi over to ksl again.. cos i meeting da bp gang. hurhur.
hes having some troubles with his gf tho.. hope nth bad happens n that everything turns out fine for him. dont like to see him so upset.. just wish that his gf will realise wad a sweet guy he is.
baaah. wadever. im off.