natalieee // linGz.
.ilu* lizhao =) #
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
Sunday, October 31, 2004
had some conflicts with di a few days ago. but everythings fine now yeah. altho its kinda hellish cos now that he noes i like beng, he nv fails to tease mi abt it. baaah. oh wells, just hafta give n take larr. at least things are okay now.
and i think im kinda abnormal ? di told mi that usually when da person u like has someone else, u`ll somehow keep hoping that they`ll break up. but i dont. i just wish they`re happie together. da old syndrome huh ? putting others` happiness before my own. i dont really mind tho. in fact, im actually glad abt it. cos it shows that a tiny part of mi from da past is still alive within.
34hrs more to starting my new job at jacks place. kinda scaree tho.. first day at work all over again. hope i dont screw up da manager`s first impression of mi manz. -crosses fingers
shark tale is cooL. kinda like nemo. those hidden moral of da story type. i miss literature !
wad else. xiaoQiang pangseh-ed mi. kangkang pangseh-ed mi. i wanna watch doll master ! scare miself. hoho. sadistic manz. just so alone. 9more hrs before i hafta get rdy to go over to batok macs for study session with junning. hes an ass. only comes to mi when he needs a favor. other than that, its poof ! MIA. wadever. used to it alrdy. after all, aint everyone da same ?
just so sick of this world. damn.
blogger pls dont screw this up again. i`ll smack u in da head if u send it to mars again.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
andd. erm. knew abt something yesterday which made mi really confused ? its like. di told mi. if a guy is able to make a ger sad over him, that means most prob da ger likes da guy. but da thing is.. i didnt realise until i heard da news that he has a gf ?
yesterday night wanted to go beng`s hse rot, cos nearer mi hse.. easier to go home. but he told mi i cant go cos his gf wld get unhappy. i was like.. oook. asked him grace accept him le ? cos he told mi before he wanted to jio someone named grace mahh. n he said, his gf not grace.. is another gal. duno why, i felt so xin suan ?
its plain to see that since he cld jump from one target to another so quickly, he doesnt take rships seriously ? and da fact that wadever his ex gave him before, no matter who, he`ll still throw everything away. so why does my heart feel so squeezed now.
i really didnt noe how i felt until da moment when i learnt that he has a new gf. why shld i feel so bothered ? wad right do i have to feel so shitty. this just aint right. things arent sposed to be this way. im not sposed to like him. i dont wanna like him.
((dont be surprised if someday i`ll avoid u n be gone. its not cos uve done something wrong n i hate u, but becos im afraid to love n be hurt by someone who wont love mi back..))
just feel so confused right now. i shldnt care so much.
just wish hes happie with her, whoever she is.
i`ll just quietly disappear from his world. make things easier for everyone..
if only my heart doesnt feel so wrung.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
if im to be totally honest, i dont think ive even been completely outta depression before. im only 16, and yet i dont see life as something worth living. ive no idea wad i wanna do in da future, wad im doing everyday. no goals, no aim, no frens, no life. thats da worst part.. no frens. ive nv connected with anyone before. wadever i feel or think, i`ll just bury it in mi.
thats da main reason why my relationships all failed in da past. because i refused to talk abt my thoughts n feelings. n they all got so frustrated that they just up n leave.
i noe its my fault. but shutting myself out from da world has become too normal for mi. theres simply no way i can open up to ppl.
im only 16, and im tired of life alrdy. each day passed is no big deal to mi. i just cant seem to see everything in colors instead of black n white. theres just no meaning to life anymore. wad happened to da yiling 4yrs ago. i miss myself so much manz.
just so sick of living.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
after i wrote that, i managed to psycho`ed cin into going out. went suntec marche to have dinner, then walked arnd rotting. til abt 8+ then i left for cineleisure n she went home. met bryan there, n we bought da tics for 0005mn cos da 2155 slot left front row seats. hmm. after that still had 3hrs to rot.. went heeren walk, fareast walk. whole orchard la. then after that went by plaza sing for awhile to look for joey they all. chitchat awhile then they went off clubbing, left mi n bry n yuhli. then we sent yuhli to da busstop behind taka lorhh. then when finally went in for da show.. we kept saying 'dont watch le lar, lets go'. haha. scaree neh. aiyo.
then after da show. took NR back. i reached home on com awhile then went down again -.-" cos alvin asked mi out. by that time was 3+am bah. then go hse downstairs de stone table join em.. alvin n his frens. bryce ? then jason n alan. then after awhile went bryce hse waste time lorhh.. watch tv blah blah. they tried to make mi drink vodka worh. hah. but i nv =) ima gd girl ok ~ hahaha.
5+ went home.. slpt at 6am. then 7.45am woke up n got rdy to go AJC with cin n wen. this is Saturday Oct16. wahh then thruout da whole trip out i was like a walking zombie. then went da open hse.. after that went lot1. went orchard. took neos at heeren ! hehe. i look like shit. bleah. then.. hmm. went home lorhh. also forgot wad time le. hahx.
after that 11pm. met da wLny ppl at KSL. kenneth, kevin, cheongyew n henry. sat there from 11 to 4am. woot. amazing right. haha.
went home online awhile, then slpt at 5am. woke up at 3pm. its now Sunday Oct 17 ! alrighty. woke up, bathed, went bugis rot alone la. then took 960 back that time saw zw n his family. haha. then we were like smsing each other 'where are u cannot see u yada yada'. cos when he walked past mi he didnt see mi mah, then he sat at da back. i was at da front. then when he alighting that time then we finally saw each other. lolz.
went bpplaza bought LJS. then took bus to di hse. also nth lar. rot lorhh. but this time he sick, so nv tio suan so much. hehehe ^^ after that 11.45pm walked home.. n i cant rmb wad happened after that. whoops. think i went online n chatted with da 4dudes lar.
Monday Oct18. went orchard with henry to look for job n he look for his digicam. hmm. cant say that i found one la, but da person said he`ll call nxt wk. hopefully can get da job larr. its da jack place beside heeren de.. quite ulu one. small also. haha. -prays hard
then henry went home. i went bpplaza rot abit. 7+ then bought dinner for beng n went his hse. after that 8+ he went tanjong pagar with han n di. i went alvin`s hse rot lorhh. then 9+ went 163 chit chat with alvin, his fren jonathon, n yy ? til 10mins before midnite, rushed to ksl n joined da 4dudes. haha. last min supper lai de. sat til abt 4am this time also. went home, chit chat online with em.. then 7am then slpt. woot.
Today Tues Oct19th. woke up at 3pm lorhh. now da weather just rained, so nice n cooling. hehehe. then these few hrs til nighttime duno wad to do. cos duno 10 or 11pm meeting da wLny ppl at ksl again. means da 4dudes n alvin n if nv tio pangseh, another few ppl la. i miss blk 16 ! aww. haha.
Friday, October 15, 2004
after that he went home, i took 307 to di`s hse lo. went there help di massage -.-" then when he went slp that time i watched tv lo. Animal Planet ! haha. then switched between cartoon network n mtv n Wan Quan Yu Le. hmm. after that di`s dad came home. then we crap lo. haha. then he tot beng n i stead. omg ridiculous. must be di`s fault liao. geez. i only noe em how long only ? lolz.
then 3.30am went home lo. took cab la. cos di`s dad dont allow mi walk home. bleahx. then came home, abt nearly 5am then i finally slept. hehe. think tonite gonna go midnite show with bryan. exorcist ! muahaha. but from now til nighttime.. still have quite alotta hrs to kill ehh. shitty de.
how neh ?
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
anw. yesterday first as usual. like i said, i went outta da hse straight after woke up n bathed. went outta da hse without telling mom again, then went jp rot. hehe. craving for famous amos again mahh =P i noe i noe, Pig right ? bleh. yepp then went jp rot. after that nth to do, came beng`s hse lo. rot til 8+pm, went bpplaza for dinner. hoho. then bryan called -.-" how come he always chose this kinda time. lol. he wanted to ask mi out for Exorcist de, which was starting 15mins time at cck. but i cldnt make it wad.. so told him another time lo. aiyox. anw after dinner came back bh rot again. til 2am then i went home ? wahaha.
then today noon woke up, as per normal lorhh. bathed n went outta da hse. then i realised hor, my family has a veh bad habit. whenever something bad happens, they`d just go to slp n then wake up da next day pretending everything`s fine. last time when i ran away from home also lidat. then now they`re doing it again. its so irritating can ? haiss. hate em. fcked up family. my mom still came into mi rm today just to tell mi hongshun last time went jail before, then his sis husband or whoever now in jail blah blah. its like, wadahell ? like i care meh. d0tx.
then anw. firstly went back wdlands gio to get back mi shoes lo. haha. last time i bought this pair of shoes then put there at work use de. then til now too lazee to get back, cos too outta da way mah. but then tot, wadever la. since today so free, might as well go. then after getting da shoes le went cwp. hehe. i watched white chicks alone !! =D fun ohh. white chicks rawks. hilarious manz. hahaha. after da movie, went bpplaza buy yogurt then came bh. cos that time i ate his mom`s yougurt.. haha =X now paying back lorhh. dont say i Bai Chi Bai He ok ~
duno wad time i`ll remain til. hmm. since also nth to do.. these few days keep coming bh, also nth to do cept watch tv. omg. im becoming a tv freak. couch potato ! eeks. first time in yrs ive watched so much tv within a period of time. haha. really shld be going to find a job le.. have a feeling that da 300bucks wont last mi long. lol. wish mi luck in job hunting ! =) but thats next wk la. shall enjoy da rest of this remaining wk of freedom first.. heh. procrastinate like hell sia.
Monday, October 11, 2004
went bpplaza lib. finished da book i was reading n returned it. walked circles there.. bought da Shi Lin chicken ! hehee. yummie. then when i walked outta plaza that time, realised that it rained ? bleah. that time i was at library so didnt noe.
after that met beng. rotted at his hse. lolx. hmm. tried calling candy but cldnt get thru. then sent an sms to her lo. beng forced mi to eat again -.-" i dunwan be pig ! ughh.
in da end candy called back. asked mi to go down to je to collect mi pay. whoopie. then dragged beng go with mi. hurhur. he kept complaining cos he`d be late meeting di, then sure tio suan. hahax. too bad narh =)
collected da cheque n payslip. deposited da cheque immediately.. cos wanna have da money asap. hahx. then took 160 to 16. rotted with 2 of em again. di really insensitive can ? aiyo. keep saying my thighs so fat, then no figure, airport. damn bth -.-" doesnt he noe that a woman`s figure is one of those sacred things u dont comment on in da person`s face ? haix. then han, fat n his wife came also. after they eaten le then han drove lo.
after dropping off fat n his wife, he asked beng to take over da wheel. wahaha. then beng look so stressed. tsk tsk. nvm lar. jiayou ! then came back to this madhse lorhh. having cold war with mi family. hohoho. for da next few days im also gonna go out for da whole day til nighttime then come back. da moment i wake up will bathe then chiong out. wheee ~ make my parents pek cek. orbi.
arnd 2days time will have money le. yes ! =D
then went outta da hse, found cin to pei mi. walked over to teck whye, then went her hse nearby de swing. at there rot.. til 6am then cin went home. cos gonna rain soon; kept having lightnings. then i chose to walk home.. didnt feel like waiting for bus what. then reached ten mile there, drizzling ! damn song. reached home abt 6.30. then slpt. til now wake up. later gonna bathe n be out da whole day. dont care where i go, just cant stand to be in this hse. nearly wanted to slap my sis lorhh, but conscience didnt allow mi to do so. pathetic me ~
24yr old no bf, still not married. study uni sO WhAT ?! big deal.
after that. met hongshun n went teckwhye macs eat again ? omg. they keep trying to stuff mi with food. even da fact that i have no money makes no difference ? haha. went out for da whole day also didnt spend a single cent =)
yupp finally found out who hongshun is la. my mom`s fren de son. who lives same blk same floor as mi, only diff is he another part of da 7th floor. meaning hes my neighbor ! gosh. neighbors for 16yrs n i didnt noe who he is -.-" oh well. at least i noe him now.
yeah then after macs, went di`s hse rot. wait for di to come home.. wait til we all nearly fall asleep. jimmy joined us there. rot n rot.. watched fear factor. eeks so gross. finally di came home from work.. after awhile went 16 rot -.-" dont see wads da point when its still rotting. then ahboy also went too lar. 5 guys n mi.. d0tx.
jimmy so Ke Ai lorhhs. go there drink Liang Cha, eat loti, eat fries. maciam lil boi lidat.. wahaha. then down there play with di`s hp. they tried to stuff mi with food again -.-" omg lorhh, i think da next time u all see mi i become fat pig ler. bleahx.
1.26am. im still awake. arGh. insomnia is da pits.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
1) if you find out that U are being followed?
` see whos following mi lo.. then. RUN. hahaha.
2) if you lost your hand fone in sch.?
` scream in class. lol. but on da other hand, im not in sch anymore am i ? =)
3) if the guy you dislike most says he has a crush on you?
` omg. i`ll totally ignore him n avoid him for a long time.. =X
4) if you were given a flute on your birthday?
` er. say thanks ? but i`ll put in cupboard n then being mi, forget all abt it.
5) if you inherited a million dollars?
` oooh. i`ll move out right away ! haha. treat my frens dinner~ buy goodies for toro. da list is endless =)
6) if your annoying sibling woke you up when you were having a sweet dream?
` scold her la ! thats for sure. n then mumble n complain to mi frens.. lol.
7) if your pet starts toking to you?
` toro talks ? omg. i`ll lock miself in da rm sia.
8) if the teacher give your class a surprise test?
` im not in sch anymore la ! -.-"
9) if you were to be a guy for one day?
` if i woke up n realise that.. i`ll be scared shitless. n then go back to slp n convince miself its just a dream. hah.
10) if the person you love is a gay/les?
` erm.. somehow i dont think i`ll fall in love with either ?
11) if you got 0/100 for your geography final year paper?
` i dont take geog. and for gdness sake, i aint in sch anymore alrite ? but still, it wldnt come as a surprise. i`ve done worse.
12) if you see osama walking around Serangoon Central?
` hahaha. i dont even go near serangoon.
13) if a fairy give you a wish?
`world peace ! KIddING. hmm. that my bank acc will suddenly have unlimited amnt of money ? =X
14) if an alien REALLY abduct your worksheets.
` big deal ~ u think teachers will believe ? and anw. i told u alotta times before.. -exasperated sigh
15) if the person beside you farted during footdrill and a very fierce sir is staring at the squad?
` permission to adjust sir ! n then turn to da other side n take deep breaths. or laugh nonstop for da few secs. haha.
16) if you realise holiday is over and you havent complete a single assignment?
` hahaha. of cos is call mi frens together n then.. COPY ! lolxx.
17) if some clowns kick a soccerball and hit your drink which splash on your uniform during recess?
` give em da coldest stare n rush to toilet lo.
18) if someone annoys you?
` annoy him back.
19)if your hair is shave bald by the hair dresser?
` she wldnt dare do that ! i`d be awake n watching de lorhh.
20) if this is the last question?
` last ques then last ques lorhh. veh weird meh.
cant u tell im veh veh bored ? =)
Friday, October 08, 2004
sorrie im still not gonna put in taggy or comments thingy tho. somehow not in da mood to socialise much lately ? or maybe its just ppl from sch.
well went to town today; with cin to cut hair. hoho. layered mi fringe n hair. looks nicer now =) after which we rotted there as usual. went to da cineleisure foodcourt.. da korean food is damn nice ! gosh. -wide grinx
xiaoQiang is an idert ! hrmph.
but then i went jp yesterday la. watched Art of da Devil with cin. da show is so bloody lo.. omg. da whole show is full of blood n gore. disgusting ! ew. hmm. then we smuggled 300g of famous amos in. wahaha. pity our vanilla ice blended cldnt make it, had to deposit with da cinema ppl.. -frowns. now i noe, next time go watch movie, must bring bag ! then can smuggle outside food n drinks in. heh.
then. after that. cin went home, i took bus back to bp interchange.. and then walk n walk n walk while smsing di. in da end, went his hse rot -.-" ahdi is an ass ! keep telling mi ghost stories.. omg. make mi so freaked out. then his dad also bian tai one, like to walk in dark dark places like cemeteries at night ? gosh. then down there rot til abt 3am, took cab home. actually wanted to walk home de, but di`s dad dont let mi o.O" keep insisting that i take cab, even went downstairs to hail cab with mi. somemore he remembered da num plate ? haha. di`s dad is so ke ai. pity his son is such an ass =X
got home le cldnt get to slp. then play hp, play til 5am.. finally slpt. woke up at noon. duno where to go today..
Thursday, October 07, 2004
sposed to be going out with xiaoQiang today.. hmm. but just now he smsed mi saying he just came back from jb, last night didnt slp at all. so letting him get some rest now la.. waiting til he wakes n then he`ll msg mi. scarli he wakes up at midnite. omg.
cos he today n tml off mah. hmm. then i must Cheng Ji ! hahaha. since he`s like everytime too busy with work to go out de. quick quick faster wake up =X bleah.
ohh yarr guess wad ? my phonebk is nearly empty ! hehee. now left only one name not deleted =P shant say who. anw even if i put hundreds of names inside da phonebk is also of no use to mi ? since i seldom msg ppl n all. n all those who often msg mi, i can also either memorise or recognise their numbers. so theres not much point la. yupp. so dont be frustrated if u msg mi n a) i nv reply or b) i reply "who`re u ?" haha.
im still waiting for mi 300bucks to arrive manz. i hope candy doesnt forget abt it, seeing as shes not happie i quitted after just one wk. nvm.. moment of truth will arrive on 10th. 3 more days ! hellish larh. zz.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
anyways, monday went to watch New Police Story yupp. with wen, yen n cin ~ met em at jp, then bought da tics. after that ate at foodcourt first since we still had time to kill. wasted time here n there.. n we went in 10mins before time. haha. hmm.. then when da movie finally started after all da ads, da 1st 30mins made u feel as if u`ve been watching for veh long lo.. cos a lotta things happened within that half hr. yepp. then david wu n nicholas tse so shuai. hahaha =)
now for yesterday. afternoon, rotted at home.. watched Twins Effect. hehee. take da vcd from mi bro rm when hes not in =X then also finished da book i was reading ~ wheee. then evening went for movie with beng.. at jec. watched Resident Evil Apocalypse ! ehh.. da movie abit like Undead worh.. o.O" hehe then da movie not even halfway thru but ive already finished da popcorn. oops. cant help it la.. still think that jec popcorn is da best ! haha. then.. da movie.. actually quite ok la. plot abit messy.. then veh gory. altho overall i feel that its not really worth da money ? =X
after da movie, went for dinner at a coffeeshop nearby. and then... we walked home ! wahaha. walked all da way from jec back u noe.. jeez. somemore we cut thru to walk da 180`s route.. then got this stretch of damn ulu road. bleahx. walk til feet sore manz ~ heh. ok la blame it on ourselves larr, cos got bus dunwan take.. choose to walk. lol. but got sense of accomplishment u noe ? =D
and then today ? shld be rotting whole day at bpplaza bahh.. cos actually yesterday bryan wanted to ask mi out for dinner de, but i was outside whatz.. then tonite wait to see if hes free anort lo ~ ehh.. im craving for famous amos right now =S
Sunday, October 03, 2004
hmm.. then at night went 16 lo. rot with di n beng n cin. di sux =X til now still not talking to him.. oops ~ that night i walked home alone.. back to da old ways of venting emotions thru walking. lolz. also gd larr.. better than cutting =)
then yesterday ~ went marina eat steamboat with aPteam ! wheee ~! so fun. hehe. aPteam rocks ok ! hahaha. omg we eat da steamboat eat til so full.. duno how come da soup everytime so fast finish.. then da person had to keep topping up. hahx. after that went bugis to take neos. got this machine veh fastpaced wor.. then we take that time also no time switch place or pose de. lol !
then came home. talked on phone with beng.. after which went bangkit to have supper. actually is he eat supper la.. i only went there to prove to him that Smarties is chocolate =P cos he kept saying Skittles is Smarties. haha. say here veh messy la.. duno how to explain. hmm.. but then i also got eat fries la.
after that he said take a walk.. and we walked n walked da whole bukit panjang ! wahaha. from bangkit walk til senja, then segar, fajar n back to bangkit.. then from blk200+ to 140+.. stopped by at plaza 7-11, then rot at 185A. lol ! then after that still walk to fajar n rot.. then finally daybreak ! went 117 coffeeshop eat breakfast -.-" dont u find that amazing? haha.
today did nth much ~ just rotted at home da whole day lo.. bought a photo album le, then spent hrs arranging mi neos in it. hehe. so cooL lo.. =]
tml watching New Police Story with cin. hmm.. hope wont full hse.. cos i hate crowded cinemas de. hehx. *crosses fingers*
Friday, October 01, 2004
lantern festival. went out with xiaoKang, sheng n cin.. at 181A de deck play candles, sparklers.. haha. Zhang Bu Da sia ~ =P think every yr`s Zhong Qiu Jie also so boring one la..
heard that class tee is out le ? and yet nobody bothers to tell mi. seriously, what do i really mean to em ? i just feel so left out of everything. maybe its better this way.? after all, im a sch dropout. im a bad influence. haiss.. better to keep my distance. if not they will Xue Huai. true ? so true..
then also nth much larr. next few nights also shld be rotting at coffeeshop with di n beng lo. dont worry laa, i wont tio influence n drink or smoke or join gang de. at least have that bit of faith in mi can ? just cos i quit sch doesnt mean i`ll surely go da gangster`s path right.
feel so disappointed in everyone.