natalieee // linGz.


.ilu* lizhao =) #

`c0ng ni shen shang, w0 xue hui shen me shi ai yu bei ai..
dan ye ying er ni, w0 z0ng yu lia0 jie shen me shi shi wang__

:+: diz w0unds wun seem tuh heal.
diz pain iz juz tuh real.
derez juz tuh much
tt tum cann0t eraze..:+:


*wishuponastar*

*levis jeans`
*n0kia 8250 / 3610`
*hair highlights`
*n0n-denim skirt`
*m0re t0ps`
*c0nverse highcut peace chucks`
*new earph0nes`
*t0te bag



_i wanna be a better pers0n..
n0 matter how much it hurts*


Friday, February 04, 2005

sometimes i think im really Zhi Tao Ku Chi.. why ? cos altho things are going smoothly for mi n darl rite now, being da idiert nosyparker i am.. i poked round in frenster again. n i read darl`s past testimonials for carolyn.. wadahell is wrong with mi ?? for once things are fine, and yet once again im da one who keeps looking for pain. i read thru all his testimonials for her, n i just felt so so SO Xin Suan. why am i always doing this to myself ?

why. i noe why. cos im afraid to feel happy n then in da end get myself broken again. cos i`d rather always remind myself to be mentally prepared than being surprised cruelly time n again by da guys ive cared for. i`d much rather hurt myself than give others da chance to hurt mi more. cos ive learnt that, just cos a guy says he`d nv hurt or leave u no matter wad.. sometimes, even when u really love him, u have no choice. u hafta doubt him. how many times have he said da same thing to others before u ? how can u be so sure he wont break his promises in da end ? yesh. maybe when da two of u are together, he may truly meant everything he said. BUT. da big ques is. does forever even exist ?

they say that da most touching promises are promises which arent realistic. promises of things such as bringing down da stars n moon for u, swearing to stay with u til forever n ever, that no matter who u become n how u change, he`d always stay.

but i dont believe in forever anymore. ive had my dreams of eternity shattered right before mi in da past, breaking my faith, my world, my fragile illusions of true love.

its not that i dont trust darl.. but. he told carolyn before that he`d always love her, will nv give up staying with her, will nv leave her no matter wad she does.. will always carry on loving her. n yet now ? seriously, its not that i dont trust him.. but seeing all this just leaves a veh sour feeling in my heart.

feel like such a bitch rite now. there he is, looking after mi n caring for mi so well, n all i can do is sit here n suspect his feelings for mi ? pls god, if u really mean mi well.. dont lemme make da same mistake i made with jing. just lemme rest my mind n finally, finally peacefully live out my life. please...


twinkling*stars @ 1:48 AM